It's a Dear John Asshole Monday

Monday, oh Monday.... how I am amazed by your ability to produce the dirt of the douche's so beautifully. The mens must have had a rough weekend alone and staring at their ugly naked bodies in the mirror with their cameras. Oh, Monday, Monday..... how you bring such pain to the good womens of the world.

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Let's see, if he attends "Douche Bag University" part-time - THAT I would believe. But knowing how to drive and work full-time, hell no...there's no way he's smart enough for either one.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!Looking For Wifey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im lookin a female who has something going for her self , a job, car, own place fun to be with likes to go out spend money and who is LOYAL. You have to be LOYAL. About me Im doing good for myself i work full-time school part-time drive and will never cheat!!!!

If you are MRS RIGHT you can last leave a picture and your number and i will get back to you

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Dear Scary Man: are you trying to push the gay out of your body? Please just go ahead and post on the men seeking men site. And so you know.... something about your tone makes you appear to have killed and eaten a child. When you use all caps, it makes the womens here a tad nervous.

CAN WE MAKE A SHADOW IN THE SUN SET

can we make a lasting memory..... together? fun,spontaneous,outgoing,honest,sincere,trustworthy,affectionate,and a true cuddle bug and love to make the most out of every moment with a special lady..looking for long term..this is the pic of the sunset where our first kiss would take place......if you was willing to meet a non judgemental,affectionate caring guy....im 5 ft 9..brown hair,babyblues.185,gotee and mustache..d/d free//i really love to hold hands..the sky is no longer the limit..if you use yahoo messenger..lets talk...kisses till then.....yes i take a lot of sunset pics on the bay..........join me.....I DO WHAT I SAY AND SAY WHAT I DO..GUARANTEED I WILL LIVE UP TO EVERYTHING IVE POSTED...LETS FIND OUT

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Dear meat eating soy milk drinking idiot: I am posting you on the award winning "Men Who Make Us Gag" because who are you? I don't think you know and you annoyed me with all your chitter chatter about liking this and blah blah blah and made me curious all over my tingly brain with your "I don't go out alone because I have few safety requirements". What? You get a 1/4 star for posting a fantastic pic. Now please do everyone a favor and never post again. Oh, and how about if you get some new friends who like to hike and how you dress? Figure it out already.

Yes, that sequence of words I just said made perfect sense.

I'm in Augusta ME on a two week work trip. I don't think there's going to be much to do around here so now seemed like a good time to do this. I tried about 6 months ago and all I ended up doing was deleting e-mails from men. Sadly I had more responses from them than women.

So I'll start with the history of me. Band guy in school. Now I play a little guitar here and there. I've barely touched my xbox 360 in a long while but I enjoy it when my friends are on. I started reading The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle and will probably read it quickly. At least faster than my last book, 1491. I like to drink and maintain a buzz that doesn't allow me to drive. I don't like getting drunk. I don't smoke anything. My degree is in Geology and I work in HR for the gov. I'm non religious and a liberal. I love the recent line of comedy movies that are out. I'm fairly well versed in movies. Big fan of shows like Futurama, Arrested Development, 30 Rock, and some old BBC. I think my humor reflects that. And music; an amalgamation of rock, punk, emo, new wave, oldies, 80's.

I like to hike but my friends don't. I never go out alone because I have a few safety requirements. I'm not a vegetarian but love soy milk and sometimes cook with tofu. I try to be old fashioned in the good way. I think I do well when it comes to fashion but my friends disagree.

I'm not necessarily looking for a clone or doppelganger. Someone who has similiar ideals would be appreciated.

It's hard to find a good picture because I tend to do strange things in them.

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Basically, #1 Douche of the week and it's only Monday, I think you aren't clearly communicating with her. Obviously if you tell her it's not working and then you are out in a bar with her hitting on other women in front of her...it's you. Why continue seeing her and having sex with her after you tell her it's not working? Sounds like you've spent a lot of time with her to know so much about her, so before you go on about her drunk ways, let's take a look at your loser ass and please tell me what CL babe would want to be in your presence- let alone have your dick in her vagina after you so beautifully enthralled us with it being on the fat flaps of her scamper?

Advice for Breakup and New Woman

I need a way to say the following items but in a way that she will understand:

1. Your intelligence is on par with the domestic ass and you think you are the smartest woman on earth.

2. Wear clothes that fit you. Come on, you can't fit your size 14 body into Ann Taylor Size 8.

3. When you are sleeping you saw logs so loudly that my neighbor complained to me about it.

4. Get out and exercise you lazy cow. You have an excuse to always avoid the gym or even simple walking at night.

5. The only thing we have in common is that we enjoy being intoxicated on Friday night.

6. Why can't you get the point when I told you that the only reason I asked you out in the first place was because I already had four shots of tequila and you hid your body well under clothes.

7. You cough so loudly my floor shakes when you do it... Are you going to cough up some unknown life form out of that lung? Is that why you are shaped like a damn watermelon?

8. I stopped calling you. I stopped coming over to your place. Why can you not take this as a hint?

9. Sex is horrible with you. I definitely wouldn't of hit that if I was sober at the time. There are fat flaps around your scamper. You have to make the Moses parting the red sea movement to move this camel-toe-esque fat lobs out of the way to get the job done.

10. You cannot get the hint when I say this isn't working you keep calling and showing up. What the hell is wrong with you???

11. I have hit on other girls in front of you... Ones that are actually attractive and you still cling to me - yet state over and over that you possess high self-esteem.

12. Oh yeah, one last thing, why do you think it's acceptable to go the bar every night when you have a child at home? Don't get me wrong I love going on the weekends, maybe one night in the week occasionally (If I had a bad day at work), but every goddamn night? Are you seriously trying to be a freakin’ drunk???

Anyone have advice on communicating these views to this girl so that she will comprehend them please for the love of peace please tell me how to pound this into her oversized head!!! Also, if you know of a good woman who wants a good man and finds the above a little amusing, please email.

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